Tell him that I’m sorry, and tell him thank you.
I’ll be moving forward right now.
I won’t be looking back.
It’s time to go now… so it’ll be goodbye, then?
At least from where I’m standing, I can see that there is blue in the sky.
Can you see it, too?
Periods of sunshine and happiness interjected with periods of depression and self-loathing at my own inadequacy to measure up to standards. Whose standards? Probably mine. I can’t do anything right, I can’t play piano, I can’t write, I can’t psychologize people (yes, I just made up that word), and I want someone to shoot me now because I got an A- and that is the most horrible thing ever. And it’s raining and I don’t want to walk across Huxley to get to Smith to practice piano because it’s flooded and I’ll get wet.
Then there’s the times that I ask, “What have I got myself into?” Can I really do this? Can I prove to people that I’m not too young, I’m not too immature, I’m not too… too short? Can I prove to myself that I have what it takes? I worry.
It’s at moments like those that I wish I could say that I’ve outgrown that phase, but I realize that I haven’t.
Sadly, it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking. Stop talking about yourself and how bad you are, for goodness’ sake. The whole world knows you think you’re inadequate. The whole world might even tell you that you’re inadequate. But you know that you can do all things in Christ who strengthens you, and that he is enough for your inadequacy.
And move on. I’m sure we can probably figure that we were meant for greater things than this.
Meanwhile, you’ll probably find me in Smith, arranging piano covers of Brooke Fraser and Regina Spektor. Apologies to my piano teacher in advance.
Why do people say that freedom is not really free?
Can mercy/grace and justice exist hand in hand?
Well…
Freedom makes me think about the movie Braveheart. William Wallace tries to win freedom for the people of Scotland. In the process, he loses his life and so never gets to experience that freedom. Not to mention the many soldiers who lost their lives fighting for this freedom.
So while freedom is free for us, it also means that some equivalent exchange has to happen. In our case, freedom was paid for with His blood. For us to win freedom from the bondage of sin, Christ died to pay the penalty for our sins. We can experience such freedom only because He went through excruciating pain and suffering to give us such freedom.
At the same time, the knowledge of how expensive such freedom us makes us savor that freedom. It was bought for with blood. It wasn’t cheap. Such freedom must be precious indeed.
But how can mercy and justice exist hand in hand? Grace is us receiving something we don’t deserve at all, instead of the punishment we ought to receive. Unmerited favor. Mercy is much the same thing. It’s when you do something wrong, and should face the consequences. Instead, you don’t face the consequences but instead receive a reprieve. You don’t have to face the consequences anymore. This happened on the cross, when we were granted a pardon for our sins.
However, at the same time, you hear about the justness of the God who showed us such mercy. Does this mean that God is not just after all?
Equivalent exchange, also known as justice, demands that someone must pay. If not us, then who?
You can almost see where this is leading.
There’s a certain paradox about freedom and grace. Neither are free because Someone has to pay for it. There’s also a certain justice, because while we might not be the ones to pay, Someone else has to. It’s that justice and just payment that gives freedom and grace such value and make it so precious.
Also remember that we were bought back from this slavery. We weren’t cheap. Remember that, and think about how precious you are in the eyes of God.
Live, knowing that you have been freed.
Live, knowing that you were precious enough to be freed.
Someone was talking about how me watching anime was a waste of my time, and how he should watch it, judge whether it’s a waste of my time, then try to persuade me not watch/read it anymore. I was irritated. Quite irritated. Especially when he started talking about how it was like being addicted to a drug. “What’s the point?”
I think he belongs to the “Fantasy is a waste of time” club.
I would go further to say that I’m pretty picky about the stuff I read and watch, and that I do know when something is a waste of my time. Even though this is fantasy, there’s something about it that somehow resonates with me. Fantasy always has a bit of realism in it, and this [Fullmetal Alchemist] is no different. It depicts humanity at its worse, but also humanity at its best. There’s comedy, sadness, despair, romance, tragedy. There’s mindless rage, injustice, cowardice, and cruelty, but there’s also forgiveness, courage, grace, and redemption. There’s hope. Which is what people desperately need.
Good fantasy is ironically marked by the realism in it.
Stories can also make one inspired to reach for something greater than themselves, right? For me, that’s what makes a good story cross the line into something much much better.
Waste of my time? I don’t think so.
Do I?
I’m sitting here. I have 3 exams next week. One in the much dreaded calculus. Two in music, which is awesome. But the ear training exams ARE really tough.
Do I have time to blog? heh.
You just sort of make time for stuff like that.
Seriously, though. Life has its ups and downs. Some weeks are worse than others. But for some inexplicable reason, I am pretty happy. I’m happy with the major(s) I’ve chosen, with the college I’ve chosen, with the people I’m meeting (and they sure are an interesting bunch) and with the road I’m walking on right now. I trip over stuff all the time (both figuratively and literally) but I’m getting where I’m supposed to be.
Even though I basically failed two theory exams (curse you, second species counterpoint!!!) and one 10 page paper (in the words of the professor “I’ll give you a 78 but you don’t know how to write”) and a psychology exam (76), I think everything’s going to turn out ok. And that I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made one bit. Except that I should have gotten serious about piano earlier.
But life really isn’t bad at all.
I’m pretty sure it’s because of grace.
Life is good.
God is good.
The end.
…
Sometimes we think that we’re the only ones going through pain and suffering, when in reality that’s not the case.
Or we believe that we’re the ones who have gone through the most pain and suffering. Some do face struggles that are much harder than is their lot to bear, like the Biblical Job. But to believe that we, out of many, have suffered the most out of all the people we know, is wrong. I know. I do it all the time.
Someone tells us about what struggles they’re going through and we respond with “oh, I had it much harder.” That’s a wrong response.
Because you really don’t know that you had it much harder than them. What your hardest struggle may be would be very different from another’s hardest struggle. So to say that your struggle was much harder than theirs is invalidating their circumstances, and in effect you reveal to them that you are not really listening to them, but taking what they say and comparing it to what you went through.
Especially when you come up with a conclusion about their circumstances based on that bias “Oh, I had it much harder than you.” and then taking it and forcing it on them. For instance, when someone tells you about a difficult circumstance, and then you reply with a story of how hard you had it in life, as well as how they should just suck it up and move on, because what they went through wasn’t as bad as what you went through.
Not only that, what they need at that moment is not you talking about yourself, but listening to what they have to say, and offering companionship and support. There’s a time for sharing what you went through, and there’s a time to listen.
So please, when someone is sharing a struggle that they’re going through, please listen to them. Do not say that you had a much harder struggle. Just listen. Be there for them. Don’t assume that you have suffered more than any other person, even if it might be true. Just listen.
Just listen.
Things have changed.
And will change.
Rather drastically.
I just walked off another chapter of my life. High school. It seems that I spent most of that time being emo and depressed (not that I’m not like that now) and caring about someone who didn’t care about me at all.
It’s as if during those times, those struggles defined who I was…
However, I have to remember that that chapter of my life is over and gone.
For in less than a month, I will be headed off into a new chapter of my life: college. I will get to meet new people, socialize, take part in clubs and activities, all the while learning skills that I will use in my decided profession (or not). For the first time in my life, I will be living away from my home. There won’t be anyone to tell me what to do. No one to tell me to fold my clothes, put away my underwear, and clean the garbage pile that I call a desk.
For the first time in my life I will experience independence. That is, in the sense that I will be responsible for my own needs. I will be responsible for eating meals at the correct times. I will be responsible for my clothes, my use of time, and more. My parents won’t be watching me every second. It’s exciting, but scary.
It’s especially crucial that I learn how to manage things well. I will be a double major in both psychology and music. I will most likely be practicing piano for hours a day, while studying psychology and various other electives. Not to mention my blogging responsibilities, as well as the clubs I will join.
Will I actually be able to manage my time properly? Or will I fail at it?
I do know that college will change me in ways I can’t even imagine.
Forgetting him will take a while.
But that’s life for you. You do what you can with the time that’s given to you.
You follow the road that unfolds at your feet.
Hilarious. I saw this on the ROFLrazzi blog.
They only just released a new album a couple of weeks ago, and I guess it has sold pretty well. However, I don’t like their music or their voices…
Whenever I read about celebrities like them, I always wonder what’s going to happen to them when they grow up. Will they be forgotten completely? Or will they end up like one of those people who are drug addicts and alcoholics? Or will they settle down to a quiet life with a wife and children and take their children to church every Sunday? What will they do? The eldest is 20 something, and the youngest is probably either still in high school or college. They’re young.
They have time to grow up.
I also wonder what would have happened if they hadn’t been “discovered”? Would they have gone to college and gotten jobs in fields other than music? What would they have chosen?
Considering how things are, I wonder if they’re ever going to really appeal to older adults. Because sooner or later they’re going to want to stop reaching out mainly to the preteen crowd and reach a wider audience that isn’t just made of 12 year old fangirls. I believe they spoke of it some time ago… it’s the way of the musician. At some point you graduate.
You don’t just stay where you are.
Of course they MIGHT be satisfied with just reaching out to the age group they’re appealing to right now. But it’s the way of the musician to grow and change. At some point you start changing in your desires and thoughts. Though you remain yourself, your outlook changes with the experience gained throughout the years. Maybe sooner or later they would find themselves dissatisfied and wanting to do something different. To branch out, to grow.
It’s not a bad thing.
But it’s up to us to make of life’s changes what we will.
At VBS, I was introduced to the “God sighting.” A God sighting is when you see something that makes you think about God. It could be a pet, the trees, the sand at the beach, or a person. At the end of each session, I was supposed to ask my five kids about their God sightings for that day. At first their answers were, “I don’t know. I have no idea.”
After some time, their answers changed. They said that I was in fact their God sighting. I was amazed. I mean, me? Their God sighting? Their hugs convinced me that they really meant it.
Which led me to think…
My God sighting is different. I believe that children are truly a God sighting.
For one thing, they have the power to humble us with a look or a few words. “You broke your promise. Why did you break your promise? You said you’d do it.” They have such innocence that they put us to shame. They have such wonder in life that we sometimes gaze at them wistfully and wish we could still have that wonder, as if we were seeing the world for the first time. Children have also mastered the “reproachful” look. I know Cailyn has.
My little brother has such power, as a child. I do something wrong, and he notices. After noticing, he announces it loudly. Sometimes in front of a crowd of people.
However, children can have such faith in us as leaders. They can respect us even when we know deep inside that we’re not worthy of their respect. They trust us even though we know that we don’t deserve that trust. They offer us their love, even though we could hurt them. That same wonder at life makes me feel that they’re begging us as leaders not to fail them, not to let them out. Not to break our promises. We know that if not us, then others are going to fail them.
But that doesn’t keep us from trying.
My kids gave me confidence even though I was so unsure of myself at first. I felt that they were telling me to keep on stepping out on faith. They didn’t know that I was trembling inside. They didn’t know that I had to fight myself every step of the way…
Their faith, respect, trust, and love encourage us to keep going in spite of our failings. Children remind us that God is always with us, even through our inadequacies…
(Post dedicated to Ms. Cory ^_^)
I found this on another blog. Did some minimal editing to remove a swear.*
Hilarious. And crazily accurate. My aunt has a cat who is like this cat. That cat does a lot of staring, eating plants and regurgitating them, sprinting at light speed out of any room I enter, and hides in dark places and watches people. I’ve never seen her sleep on electronics. And thank Ceiling Cat, that cat never ever brought in dead animals.
“This isn’t a gift. It’s a warning.”
It’s a helpful guide to any cat owner, guaranteed. Good luck staying alive!
I shall close with a favorite LOL of mine.
(Think of it another way. Maybe they want to kill you when you’re vulnerable and naked. I don’t know.)
*There was another caption, saying “Cats. Sneaky ****ers.”
