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This is for you.

November 9, 2009

Someone was talking about how me watching anime was a waste of my time, and how he should watch it, judge whether it’s a waste of my time, then try to persuade me not watch/read it anymore. I was irritated. Quite irritated. Especially when he started talking about how it was like being addicted to a drug. “What’s the point?”

I think he belongs to the “Fantasy is a waste of time” club.

I would go further to say that I’m pretty picky about the stuff I read and watch, and that I do know when something is a waste of my time. Even though this is fantasy, there’s something about it that somehow resonates with me. Fantasy always has a bit of realism in it, and this [Fullmetal Alchemist] is no different. It depicts humanity at its worse, but also humanity at its best. There’s comedy, sadness, despair, romance, tragedy. There’s mindless rage, injustice, cowardice, and cruelty, but there’s also forgiveness, courage, grace, and redemption. There’s hope. Which is what people desperately need.

Good fantasy is ironically marked by the realism in it.

Stories can also make one inspired to reach for something greater than themselves, right? For me, that’s what makes a good story cross the line into something much much better.

Waste of my time? I don’t think so.

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Time to blog?

November 7, 2009

Do I?

I’m sitting here. I have 3 exams next week. One in the much dreaded calculus. Two in music, which is awesome. But the ear training exams ARE really tough.

Do I have time to blog? heh.

You just sort of make time for stuff like that.

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Seriously, though. Life has its ups and downs. Some weeks are worse than others. But for some inexplicable reason, I am pretty happy. I’m happy with the major(s) I’ve chosen, with the college I’ve chosen, with the people I’m meeting (and they sure are an interesting bunch) and with the road I’m walking on right now. I trip over stuff all the time (both figuratively and literally) but I’m getting where I’m supposed to be.

Even though I basically failed two theory exams (curse you, second species counterpoint!!!) and one 10 page paper (in the words of the professor “I’ll give you a 78 but you don’t know how to write”) and a psychology exam (76), I think everything’s going to turn out ok. And that I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made one bit. Except that I should have gotten serious about piano earlier.

But life really isn’t bad at all.

I’m pretty sure it’s because of grace.

Life is good.

God is good.

The end.

 

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Wrongness

September 28, 2009

2985652951_33d6bde191Sometimes we think that we’re the only ones going through pain and suffering, when in reality that’s not the case.

Or we believe that we’re the ones who have gone through the most pain and suffering. Some do face struggles that are much harder than is their lot to bear, like the Biblical Job. But to believe that we, out of many, have suffered the most out of all the people we know, is wrong. I know. I do it all the time.

Someone tells us about what struggles they’re going through and we respond with “oh, I had it much harder.” That’s a wrong response.

Because you really don’t know that you had it much harder than them. What your hardest struggle may be would be very different from another’s hardest struggle. So to say that your struggle was much harder than theirs is invalidating their circumstances, and in effect you reveal to them that you are not really listening to them, but taking what they say and comparing it to what you went through.

2935433752_564da3e69eEspecially when you come up with a conclusion about their circumstances based on that bias “Oh, I had it much harder than you.” and then taking it and forcing it on them. For instance, when someone tells you about a difficult circumstance, and then you reply with a story of how hard you had it in life, as well as how they should just suck it up and move on, because what they went through wasn’t as bad as what you went through.

Not only that, what they need at that moment is not you talking about yourself, but listening to what they have to say, and offering companionship and support. There’s a time for sharing what you went through, and there’s a time to listen.

So please, when someone is sharing a struggle that they’re going through, please listen to them. Do not say that you had a much harder struggle. Just listen. Be there for them. Don’t assume that you have suffered more than any other person, even if it might be true. Just listen.

Just listen.

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The Veil

August 25, 2009

Fog crawling in

Early in the morning,

Out to sea.

Delicate feathers

Blanketing the surroundings

With the unknown

You stretch your hand

Out in front

But see not.

The fog holds your future

The present is only seen

The past equally unknown

Just like the mountains

Behind

Just like the ocean

Ahead

All that is felt

Is yourself and the quiet breeze

That tries to blow the fog

Away.

———

My emotion, like the islands

Hidden behind a veil of clouds.

Sea Fog by Jennifer3113.

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I’m Standing on the Edge of Me

August 20, 2009

Things have changed.

And will change.

Rather drastically.

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I just walked off another chapter of my life. High school. It seems that I spent most of that time being emo and depressed (not that I’m not like that now) and caring about someone who didn’t care about me at all.

It’s as if during those times, those struggles defined who I was…

However, I have to remember that that chapter of my life is over and gone.

For in less than a month, I will be headed off into a new chapter of my life: college. I will get to meet new people, socialize, take part in clubs and activities, all the while learning skills that I will use in my decided profession (or not). For the first time in my life, I will be living away from my home. There won’t be anyone to tell me what to do. No one to tell me to fold my clothes, put away my underwear, and clean the garbage pile that I call a desk.

For the first time in my life I will experience independence. That is, in the sense that I will be responsible for my own needs. I will be responsible for eating meals at the correct times. I will be responsible for my clothes, my use of time, and more. My parents won’t be watching me every second. It’s exciting, but scary.

It’s especially crucial that I learn how to manage things well. I will be a double major in both psychology and music. I will most likely be practicing piano for hours a day, while studying psychology and various other electives. Not to mention my blogging responsibilities, as well as the clubs I will join.

Will I actually be able to manage my time properly? Or will I fail at it?

I do know that college will change me in ways I can’t even imagine.

Forgetting him will take a while.

But that’s life for you. You do what you can with the time that’s given to you.

You follow the road that unfolds at your feet.

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Jonas Brothers: Male or Female?

August 17, 2009

Hilarious. I saw this on the ROFLrazzi blog.

They only just released a new album a couple of weeks ago, and I guess it has sold pretty well. However, I don’t like their music or their voices…

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Whenever I read about celebrities like them, I always wonder what’s going to happen to them when they grow up. Will they be forgotten completely? Or will they end up like one of those people who are drug addicts and alcoholics? Or will they settle down to a quiet life with a wife and children and take their children to church every Sunday? What will they do? The eldest is 20 something, and the  youngest is probably either still in high school or college. They’re young.

They have time to grow up.

I also wonder what would have happened if they hadn’t been “discovered”? Would they have gone to college and gotten jobs in fields other than music? What would they have chosen?

Considering how things are, I wonder if they’re ever going to really appeal to older adults. Because sooner or later they’re going to want to stop reaching out mainly to the preteen crowd and reach a wider audience that isn’t just made of 12 year old fangirls. I believe they spoke of it some time ago… it’s the way of the musician. At some point you graduate.

You don’t just stay where you are.

Of course they MIGHT be satisfied with just reaching out to the age group they’re appealing to right now. But it’s the way of the musician to grow and change. At some point you start changing in your desires and thoughts. Though you remain yourself, your outlook changes with the experience gained throughout the years. Maybe sooner or later they would find themselves dissatisfied and wanting to do something different. To branch out, to grow.

It’s not a bad thing.

But it’s up to us to make of life’s changes what we will.

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God Sighting

August 5, 2009

2453571862_8dbe199a8eAt VBS, I was introduced to the “God sighting.” A God sighting is when you see something that makes you think about God. It could be a pet, the trees, the sand at the beach, or a person. At the end of each session, I was supposed to ask my five kids about their God sightings for that day. At first their answers were, “I don’t know. I have no idea.”

After some time, their answers changed. They said that I was in fact their God sighting. I was amazed. I mean, me? Their God sighting? Their hugs convinced me that they really meant it.

Which led me to think…

My God sighting is different. I believe that children are truly a God sighting.

For one thing, they have the power to humble us with a look or a few words. “You broke your promise. Why did you break your promise? You said you’d do it.” They have such innocence that they put us to shame. They have such wonder in life that we sometimes gaze at them wistfully and wish we could still have that wonder, as if we were seeing the world for the first time. Children have also mastered the “reproachful” look. I know Cailyn has.

My little brother has such power, as a child. I do something wrong, and he notices. After noticing, he announces it loudly. Sometimes in front of a crowd of people.

2977861605_391b2e2186However, children can have such faith in us as leaders. They can respect us even when we know deep inside that we’re not worthy of their respect. They trust us even though we know that we don’t deserve that trust. They offer us their love, even though we could hurt them. That same wonder at life makes me feel that they’re begging us as leaders not to fail them, not to let them out. Not to break our promises. We know that if not us, then others are going to fail them.

But that doesn’t keep us from trying.

My kids gave me confidence even though I was so unsure of myself at first. I felt that they were telling me to keep on stepping out on faith. They didn’t know that I was trembling inside. They didn’t know that I had to fight myself every step of the way…

Their faith, respect, trust, and love encourage us to keep going in spite of our failings. Children remind us that God is always with us, even through our inadequacies…

(Post dedicated to Ms. Cory ^_^)

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How to Guide for Cat Owners

August 3, 2009

I found this on another blog. Did some minimal editing to remove a swear.*

cat

Hilarious. And crazily accurate. My aunt has a cat who is like this cat. That cat does a lot of staring, eating plants and regurgitating them, sprinting at light speed out of any room I enter, and hides in dark places and watches people. I’ve never seen her sleep on electronics. And thank Ceiling Cat, that cat never ever brought in dead animals.

“This isn’t a gift. It’s a warning.”

It’s a helpful guide to any cat owner, guaranteed. Good luck staying alive!

I shall close with a favorite LOL of mine.

funny pictures of cats with captions

(Think of it another way. Maybe they want to kill you when you’re vulnerable and naked. I don’t know.)

*There was another caption, saying “Cats. Sneaky ****ers.”

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Fear Not: God is With Us!

July 31, 2009

This year, our church’s Vacation Bible School was a three day event. Those three days were split into five different sections with a different theme, or Bible point. Each time that session’s Bible point was spoken, the helpers and kids had to shout back, “Fear not!”

43447178_d437f859a4The first section was on Thursday afternoon, from 3 to 8 PM. The Bible point was, “God is with us!”

Fear not!

This year I was a leader of five kids. For some reason, the children’s pastor decided that it would be best to have mixed age groups. That meant that the leaders would have children from various age groups. However, the groups were small, which probably helped out the leaders when it came to dealing with cliques and that type of thing. Two of my kids were in the 6th grade. One was a 3rd grader, one was a 1st grader, and another was a 2nd grader. It happened that I had four kids (all girls) for the first two days, and then the fifth kid, a boy, came on the last day.

[insert some insecurity about my skillz as a crew leader. Skillz? I have no skillz. HALP! Gets all worried about my skillz and what shall I do if they're naughty?]

As it so happened, I was late coming to the church. Bah. The streets were filled with cars, and the lights were all red. We had a near miss with a car that had just stopped in the middle of the street with its nose sticking out. Some horn honking ensued. But I got there. Alive.

Anyway, as a crew leader, I got a nifty plastic bag that held pencils and pens and some booklets for the Bible lesson. Plus a guide for the leader that held a schedule I DID NOT USE for the first day. Yes, I walked around with the wrong schedule for the first session and my kids were none the wiser. (Don’t tell my kids if you go to my church and are reading this.) The nifty plastic bag was meant to carry any stuff that the kids accumulated along the way. These “stuff” became plastic fireflies with no eyes and only one wing each, squished snacks, and tangled whistly toys.

Speaking of fireflies...

Speaking of fireflies...

Don’t forget the nice dark purple shirts that we crew leaders got as part of the deal. The kids wore yellow, we wore purple to distinguish ourselves from the rest of the pack. Unfortunately it didn’t seem to help me… various station leaders (*ahem* Jevon) still looked around wildly and picked random tall people out of my group and asked them, “Are you the crew leader?” Purple shirt, *coff coff* I really liked the purple shirts even though they sure smelled funny at the end of three days.

The first stop of the day was “Sing and Play Swamp Stomp.” Notice the use of alliteration. It’s exactly what it is. The sanctuary was decked out in a nice styrofoam house (wish I had pictures. I don’t) and some really really awesome trees and a dock and a cardboard boat and a happy green blow up croc. You know, the kind that you throw into the pool and cling on when you’re drowning. The kids were entertained by an interesting character named “Skeeter.” He was supposed to be the wild man of the swamp or something of the sort, but I found him disturbing. I mean, he talks exactly like this guy who used to stalk me…

I’m just really glad that Skeeter/Henry didn’t come up to me and ask, “Do you like to sing to Jesus?” Brrrrr.

Gratuitous swamp shot. Click photo to get to photographer's photostream.

Gratuitous swamp shot. Click photo to get to photographer's photostream.

That would have been too much. Ask me why.

The kids didn’t warm up to the hand motions at first, and honestly, neither did I. It took about a day before we all stopped feeling awkward and actually started learning the hand motions, instead of hiding behind the pews.

Worship leader asked us to introduce each other. The two 6th graders we’ll call J and E. The third grader we’ll call Y. The second grader? C. I knew all of them already. Here I’ll say that C was the kid I was worried about, as she’s rather spoiled and knows how to pull people’s strings. *wince* It’s her fault for having such beautiful eyelashes.

The worship leader introduced us to our Bible buddy, which was some animal. It was Flash the firefly. It had a purple butt and eyelashes. She/he reminded us that God is always with us! So for the rest of that session, whenever the words “God is with us” was spoken, the kids and their crew leaders responded with a resounding “Fear not!”

Then we were supposed to choose jobs for the kids. Pick your choice. You have “Materials Manager” (bag carrier), “Prayer Partner,” “Gator Guide” (I’m not really sure what this is) “Schedule Supervisor” (person who keeps track of where we’re supposed to go, and when) and the person who’s supposed to thank the station leaders (station leaders are the people not in charge of a group but rather a specific station, like the crafts station, the snack station, the Bible story station, etc.) at the end of each stop. I don’t remember who I chose for what, but I do remember that C wanted kept changing her mind. I ended up with some sort of compromise.

swamp shot by same photographer

swamp shot by same photographer

Next stop: the gym for some games. The games involved an “icebreaker” game that was actually kind of fun. Each kid was given a skittle, and they were asked to flash their skittles, pretending that those skittles were fireflies. Then they were supposed to find another person with the same skittle and sit down with that person and introduce themselves and the usual “what’s your favorite animal?” My “firefly” melted against my hand in a very nice way. We were inseparable. Truly.

I would have eaten it too, if I hadn’t dropped it.

After each game, the game leader would hand out pieces of paper with questions that the crew leaders were supposed to ask their kids. The questions were pretty good… they weren’t too deep that the kids would stare blankly with question marks all over their faces. They were easy enough so that the youngest kids could answer them. Plus they didn’t take too long to answer so we could move on to the next game.

I liked that my kids showed eagerness in answering the questions. No putting people on the spot, and no awkward silences. No “You answer. No, you answer. Oh please, go ahead. No, really, I mean it.”

This is him.

This is him.

Next stop? I think it was the “Dockside Drive-in.” The place where the station leader shows a video about Chadder Chipmunk (who was voiced by a girl despite him being male) and then talks about the lessons that Chadder had learned along with his friend Fraider (who is acted by a real guy). Each segment is probably about 10 minutes long. In this one, Chadder wants to write for the school newspaper. Decides to go to the bayou to find a picture of the rumored Monster Croc. Meets a fraidy-cat called Fraider who suddenly finds himself signed up as guide to find the Monster Croc. Problem is that he is scared of everything…

Chadder then tells him that “God is with us” so we don’t need to be afraid! Then Chadder drops M&Ms on the ground so they won’t get lost (smart idea, that). Unfortunately Fraider eats them. (Figures.) Segment ends with them hopelessly lost.

Honestly, Chadder Chipmunk is a cheesy film. But the kids loved it. They really did. They couldn’t wait to see the next segment! Strangely, I found myself wanting to find out, too.

Proof that cheesiness does not mean something’s bad.

Then a move on to the Bible Bayou. Here Jevon and his wife told a Bible story in various creative ways (you rock, guys!); in fact, I’d give them plenty of points for creativeness. Good job with the fake British accent there, Jevon. The lesson here this time was about Moses and the burning bush, complete with special effects. Fascinating bush, with the orange paper and burning sounds!

Mmmm... fireflies skittles

Mmmm... skittles

Afterwards, Jevon told us that no, the tape recording playing God’s voice was not in fact God. He asked, “Was there a time you were afraid and God reassured you of His presence?”

One of the sixth graders, a precocious kid, piped up. “I had a surgery some time ago, and they cut into the wrong part.”

Oohs and aahs from some of the younger kids.

“I was in pain for five weeks! And one day I prayed to God, and it didn’t hurt anymore!”

Jevon spoke. “Well, that’s great, Justin! You can see how God took care of you! Is there anyone else who would like to share?”

“Actually, the surgery was done over here.” Kid pointed to his… well, you know.

Everyone giggled. Especially the small children. Jevon cringed.

Oblivious (or not), the kid went on with his story. “And it was because some part refused to come down–”

Jevon stopped him at that point. I don’t blame him.

Craft time next. The station leader asked us what Bible story we’d learned about. One of the younger kids eagerly answered, “There was a kid who had surgery in a very BAD part. In fact, it was in his PRIVATES.”

“My goodness…”

Another swamp photo that I like.

Another swamp photo that I like.

I don’t think that was what she expected to hear…

We made fireflies out of tiny plastic bottles and foam wings. They were supposed to be keychains, to be taken home at the end of VBS. The crew leaders were supposed to put all crafts in the provided plastic bag. Unfortunately, a few hours later, the fireflies had no eyes, and the kids frantically stuck their heads into the bags in an effort to find the eyes. They were unsuccessful. “GAHHHH WHERE ARE THE EYES? THE EYES?” C even told me that I had to give her my firefly’s eyes because she was younger than me.

Either way, we all ended up with very blind fireflies.

I’m pretty sure we went to the snack shack next. We made “burning bush in a bowl,” which involved taking a couple of tortilla chips, putting them into a clear plastic cup, and topping those with a few leaves of lettuce, some flakes of cheese, and a cherry tomato. It was easy and quite fun to make and eat. I am glad that my kids aren’t too picky. I made Y eat my cherry tomato (I’m allergic to tomatoes) and she was quite happy to do so.

202923252_e2f251ee41On the whole, I had an exciting afternoon. The kids were awesome. I felt highly impressed with their good behavior, and they made me feel as if I wasn’t such a bad crew leader after all. I might not have been the best crew leader, but they definitely made leading easier for me.

What’s a crew leader supposed to do? I’m supposed to be myself, and be there for the kids, even though I might be feeling less than up to par. And do a LOT of praying. Because prayer is incredibly important.

Those kids were my God-sightings. They gave me hope.*

It’s not as scary as one would think. I was called to do it. Just buck up and go ahead. You don’t have to be perfect, or have years and years of training. You don’t have to have been a Christian forever, either.

As I said, I was called to do it. That means that I was given the means to do it.

Don’t be afraid.

*More about God sightings in the next post

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Summer Storm

July 29, 2009

Disturbed from sleep

By a crack of thunder

As if someone drew his whip

Across the roof of the house

The quietly sleeping people

Roused, racing around the house

Closing all the windows and

Screen doors left open.

Action from the unexpected

This is summer.

At best.

No one knows when they hit.

Except perhaps…

The One cracking the whip.

Then go back to sleep

As before when it ends

And wake to a sunlit morning.

—————–

Lots of thunderstorms these days. Thunderstorm after thunderstorm after thunderstorm. One morning not too long ago we had a loud one. Since we leave our windows open because of the heat, my parents had to run around closing them. I woke up and then went back to sleep. When I woke up again the storm was gone. The sun had reappeared.

Such is the way of these summer storms.

Storm rolls in by Bitterroot.

Picture credits: Bitterroot